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​Does the language that we use affect the way we think?
I only have to think about how the words people have said to me over the years have had an impact to know that words matter.   My grandmother used to say to me that ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ but even though I recited it over and over, the fact was that words did hurt me.  I am sure that many of you have felt the same way.
And it is not just the words other people have said that hurt us. Sometimes, the way we speak to ourselves can have just as much impact, if not more because it can be constant.


First female firefighters in Abu Dhabi
Image Credit: Aghaddir Ali/Gulf News

The words that we use to describe things often indicates how we were brought up; what environments we have enjoyed …… or endured. And today I want to stand up and be counted and say words matter.
This morning, I heard on the news that Dany Cotton, the first woman to be Commissioner of the London Fire Brigade, said that one small change we could make would be re-naming Fireman Sam Firefighter Sam. She said this first some time ago and I don’t need to read the savage responses she had at the time to know the usual words that are used to put women down when we dare to say something like this. Disparaging remarks – unkind words - can make many of us keep our heads down. We don’t want to be labelled one of those ‘bra burning’ feminists!  We keep our distance.
Now I can almost hear people saying that this is just a character in a children’s book and she is being sensitive.  And I would say, you are right. It is a character in a children’s book and thousands of kids read these books and both girls and boys need role models.  And if girls and boys can have a role model with one easy word change ... why wouldn't you do that?
There are many debates about removing gender labels to words to show inclusion - Chair not Chairman is just one. I know women who say it doesn't matter or that they would rather be called Chairman.  There may be many reasons for adopting a male gender label; it may feel that we have more credibility, or we don't want to be seen to rock the boat by highlighting the fact that we are women or maybe we say that it shouldn't matter….and there is truth is all of these.
But for me, particularly on International Women’s Day, WORDS MATTER.  How the world chooses to speak about people and issues affects thoughts and mindsets.  I want to follow the example of the children speaking out for change against the powerful NRA and say, enough is enough. We may upset some people with uncomfortable truths but we will also win hearts and minds.
So today, as the incredible firefighter in chief Dany Cotton is quoted once again calling to change the name of Fireman Sam to Firefighter Sam, do not just dismiss it and turn your back on her.  Men and women need to show that we are all in this together!

I am doing a lot of work on communication at the moment and a quote that keeps me in a more open-minded space when hearing a view that I disagree with (and there are a few at the moment) is:
 
‘It is well to remember that the entire universe,
with one trifling exception,
 is composed of others.’
John A. Holmes
 
Depending on your opinions and beliefs, 2016 could well have been an excellent year or an ‘annus horribilis’.  Either way, you’ve probably had many conversations with people who had different, seemingly opposite, opinions and beliefs to you; people who you previously thought were perfectly reasonable and well-intentioned.    The thing is that they also thought that you were a reasonable, well-intentioned person and now you and they are confused.
 
It is hard to have a calm discussion when feelings are surfacing and tensions are rising and I am practising every day to try to see the world from the other person’s perspective. One great image that helps me and my clients is from the book ‘Fierce Conversations’ in which Susan Scott talks about a beach ball.
 
If you imagine that the beach ball represents the topic under discussion, or the problem requiring a solution, and you are standing on one side of it, what you see is not the whole beach ball.  What you see is your side of the beach ball – your perspective.  And your perspective is true for you.
 
Now imagine that you are talking to someone who cannot see your side of the beach ball.  They see an entirely different side, a different ‘reality’. This is no less valid but of course you cannot see it.
 
The key is to want to see it so that you are more informed. You need to be curious and ask questions until you understand what the other side of the beach ball looks like and hope that the other person, or people is or are interested in doing the same.  This has the advantage of stopping you become entrenched in your view and trying to convince other people that you are ‘right’. Wanting to be right is one of the biggest blocks to finding the best solution or making the best decision based on understanding the whole of the beach ball.
 
I remember John Maxwell talking about new leaders going into an organisation. Everyone is watching to see what they will do and the new person feels pressure to make an impact; to prove themselves. Too often they begin to change things without taking some time to understand how they came to be like that in the first place.  It may take a little longer but it shows respect for the people and their experience – we have all worked for people who do not – and it is better that doing something quickly and having to undo it!
 
So when you next read an article or a social media post or talk to someone who does not see your side of the beach ball, don’t try to convince them of what you see. Begin with finding out what you cannot see and remember that the relationship is more important that being ‘right’.
 
 
Jill Saville is an Executive Coach, trainer, speaker and writer on the subjects of leadership and communication.  She is also the chair of the British Chamber of Commerce People and Leadership Group which in 2017 is running Breakfast Meetings on the Art & Science of Communications. The first on is 15 March at Badenoch & Clark

I talk to many people as I travel around and find some great examples of leadership and culture in organisations and also some that are frankly dire.
There are two main reasons for good leadership, one is to have a thriving, efficient business and the other is for the people who work there.  Some of us begin with one or the other but they are both important.
 
 
When I find a process that doesn’t seem to benefit people, I try to find the reasons behind the it – there is usually some good intent and if you find it you can start to change things from there.  However, there are times when I can find no reason for something other than it is easier to; it appears to save time and therefore money. But does it?
 
I was talking to some great young people recently who have gone into big organisations with the knowledge and expectation of being used …. exploited …for 3 years and then they escape.  I feel they are being let down.  These are intelligent people – some top of their class – who want to gain qualifications so they take a job that offers the qualification plus a good salary.  The organisation will look good on the person’s CV, although maybe it just proves survival in a hostile workplace rather than the prestige working for a good organisation.
 
As well as completing projects, the main measurement of a good job was the perception of the number of hours they were glued to a seat. Staying until 10.30 was accepted and even encouraged – so these young people know they have to stay late at night to be visible. I could go into all the reasons why long hours are not sustainable and Parkinson’s Law (work expands to fit the time available) kicks in very quickly but I will just mention one clear inefficient use of people.
These young employees said that occasionally there was nothing much to do and then something came in from a client at 4pm and they have to stay till 10pm or even later to respond to it. To me this doesn't sound organised or efficient. What about relationship building with clients to know what they expect and what is reasonable on both sides? A win- win? Why not show that an organisation respects and values its staff? Why not let some employees come in early and others work from noon rather than sit and be visible?  They had also signed away their rights to get any overtime over the maximum working week and what looked like a good salary on paper lost its appeal when they had to work double the hours for the same money.
Now it takes some times, effort and planning to use resources wisely and just because you have a captive audience that has signed away its rights you need to show a duty of care.  And for me a leader who does not care about people has no business leading them.
A good leader enables and empowers people and reduces illness and turnover in the process.   A good leader doesn’t rely on position, title or contract to get the job done.  A good leader can get people to stay and go the extra mile when required, without making them sign away their rights.
Which is why I have coined a new phrase – Idle Leadership – and defined it as ‘treating people as expendable commodities’.  Maybe there is a book in this…
What do you think?
 
 
Jill Saville is an Executive Coach, trainer and speaker

The other day I talked about listening to each other and being tolerant and yesterday I was tested by a neighbour.

One of the most vitriolic kinds of legal action in the UK is neighbourhood disputes and I understand why. We like to think our home is our castle - we escape to it - and when we cannot enjoy that space because of an intrusion, perceived or otherwise, we become emotional.

The neighbour to our right was working outside on his shed and felt the need to have heavy metal music blaring as he did it. I should say first that this is someone who we have not connected to very well and I knew that any action I took was not going to be welcomed.

The reason I am writing is that I went through many scenarios in my head before doing anything, all ending with him ignoring me or turning the radio up. And most of those scenarios involved me giving him some kind of 'good reason' why he should comply with my request such as:

- we have guests (we did but she was out)
- my partner is on nights and trying to sleep (he could have been but not this week)
- someone is ill and needs to sleep (not true either)

I wondered why I was making up these lies when actually the person upset by it was ME. It was a mix of being unassertive in general and not feeling as important as other people I was bringing into the mix - the same thing I suppose. I also considered doing nothing and putting up with it. What I realised was that I could put up with it after trying something and failing so why start with that option...? That could be option 2.

So what did I do in the end? I shouted across the trees and fence ...... 's'il vous plait?' He turned and glared at me. I continued in my best French something about 'moins fort' and he continued to glare at me. I wondered if he had understood but if my French was not clear, my gesticulation should have been (miming turning down a radio, nothing else!). He walked over to the shed and for a few minutes nothing happened. I retreated into the house to take option 2 - try to put up with it. I told myself that on a different day and maybe with a different neighbour I could have appreciated Bon Jovi but on this day I was just in need of peace and quiet.

So what happened? After about 1 long minute he turned it down. Not massively but he turned it down to a level that was bearable and in about 10 minutes he turned it off altogether. Today it is on again but at the lower level.

What I learned was that it is worth saying politely what you want and that usually people will change their behaviour if they think it is reasonable. But they will never change anything if you do not tell them.

​This is the same at work when we give feedback.  Not always pleasant, but how can we expect the person to change if we do not show them our perspective and the impact they have? 

So I am trying to be reasonable whilst making sure I have good boundaries.  Hope that is useful to someone.

I am worried for France as it seems to have lost its way with the best of intentions. Banning outward displays of any religion rather than have tolerance for religion has brought them to this burkini decision. When you look around at other women who prefer more modest attire than the almost nude look of the west, it seems an ill thought through decision. Do we really want to encourage our young women to bare all?

Look at what the UK was wearing in 1910 or what Indian women bathe in. You could argue that it is progress and for the liberation of women but also there are definite disadvantages of going too far the other way. Is it really liberation to impose our idea of what is acceptable on women? In this heat and the threat of skin cancer, aren't there arguments for covering up?

I was pleased to see that we had allowed muslim women wear what they wanted to in order to compete in beach volley ball at the Olympics and look at the fabulous Ibtihaj Muhammad fencing in her hijab. She does not appear subjugated - in fact she has had to be really strong not to conform to how other people think she should look.

This is such a difficult, sensitive area because my opinion on the burka - covering a woman's face - is different. I cannot find an argument that has persuaded me it is a good thing.

For true progress though, we need to move forward with a listening ear, a non judgmental heart and stop using blanket, one size fits all laws.

​As John Maxwell says, 'when the only tool you have in your toolbox is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.' 

http://qz.com/767390/long-live-the-burkini-indian-women-have-embraced-similar-swimwear-for-years/

​

Someone said yesterday on TV that he didn’t know who was running the UK, whether it was currently in or out of the EU or what the plan was to move forward! Whatever your view, I think we can probably agree that this is not a good situation for any country… nor would it be for an organisation…. and the uncertainty is hitting the economy.  The UK was the 5th strongest economy in the world last Wednesday and I heard Michael Moore express his view on the situation with ‘if you are a country in the Premier Division, why would you choose to drop into the second?  People are certainly confused by the whole situation.
So let’s look at this through a leadership lens.  I led a leadership discussion this week around the 21 laws and of course, Brexit came up so I thought that it may add value to share a couple of the topics with you.
 
The law of BUY-IN – ‘People buy into the leader and THEN the vision.’
John Maxwell says that ‘the leaders who make the greatest impact are often those who lead well in the midst of uncertainty’ and there is certainly plenty of that going around. David Cameron has resigned and looking at the situation in the Labour Party, there is clearly a lack of ‘buy-in’ for Jeremy Corbyn from his parliamentary MPs who have just had a vote of ‘no confidence’ .  It is not that they disagree with his vision or policies; everyone agrees he is a man of good character but they have decided he has no credibility as a leader.  Vision is not enough.

Corbyn has huge grass roots support in the party who are demonstrating in the street to keep him so what will happen? For me, a leader needs to unite people and after a campaign which pitted neighbour against neighbour there needs to be someone with the ability to pull people back together in the UK.  Without the buy in from those in his own party, who make things happen in Westminster, it is difficult to see how he can remain. 
Have you seen evidence of buy-in or lack of it in your company? Or maybe you remember being a new leader, saying all the right things but wondering why people were not convinced?  Remember how annoying it is to have someone else say the very same thing and be listened to?  How are you building your relationships and credibility?
​
The law of the PICTURE - ‘People do what people see’
Were you told as a child to ‘do as I say, not as I do?’ This is because the power of the visual – what you do – is so much more than what you say.  The majority of change programmes fail because leaders think it is enough to say the right things but carry on behaving the way they always have. Why should anyone else in the company change if the leader does not?
So what role models do we have in the UK at the moment? Who has set a good example of self-leadership, authenticity and having the nation’s interests at heart? All of the nation that is…? 
One question in our meeting was, how do we explain that the younger voters in the UK didn’t always follow their parents’ vote? Who are their role models? We concluded that maybe younger people are more inclined to use social media and have wider access to role models, for example, the many ‘celebrities’ who were pledging their support to one side or the other influenced them. 
Whatever it was, the UK is certainly in need of a new picture to follow.